f*cking rain

i can't hear myself think
for the silence in my cornered room
is ambushed by the pitter patter of rain.

the windows are slightly jammed
to let the air go through, in and out
just like the very thought of you in pain.

been through the endless cycle
of left and right, of courtship and goodbye
yet i end up losing the things i thought i had.

crumbling in a state of indecisiveness
after all has been said and done
i realize i know nothing about love.

who wrote the book on this matter?
please hand me a copy, even in its raw form
just to get a glimpse of what to do.

that in the bizarre fate of what they say
is the greatest thing that could happen to a human being
i am everything that's blue.

close my eyes and drown the noise
the inside is fortified by the 6inch wall
but i can feel the wetness the rain brings.

how is that possible when all you thought
was the beginning of something everlasting
could be shaken by a stranger's feel?

was it my fault i let you in that rainy day
and thought shelter was all you needed
now it's me soaked in the unreal.

all the things i held dear and true
all the beliefs i thought would be enough
are toppled by your deliverance of beauty.

amidst the harsh needles outside
i can't think of anything but to break one's heart
just to pursue your unexpected movement inside me.

i crave for another moment
in the dryness of your words
i find comfort and challenge altogether.

i have lost my man's worth
to give up the longevity of what's stable
and risk the image of what's forever.

to have a short-lived romance
over the long normal-paced travel
would it mean i have already made my choice?

drowning in the inevitability
of a broken heart
the rain has flooded my voice.

surrender to the flow of the running water
given up all the various scenarios of what is best
and just let go of what has to be.

i still can't hear myself think
for the silence in my corned room
is now lit by your unending impossibility.

the broken tatsulok (part 2)

i.
used to dream of you
of how your touch would feel on my skin
and how your breath would smell.

i.
never thought you'd hit me this way
an unexpected desire to hold you longer
a tragic curse and magic spell.

i.
have someone in my life now
worthy of all the diamonds on the planet
longevity is what we're after.

i.
was taken by surprise
by how you managed to uproot my beliefs
and rattle my feelings for my lover.

i.
don't know who's to pursue whom
left me in a triangle without corners
all i see are dead ends.

i.
am to hurt you or my lover
somewhere in a position that's hell
of a choice i never thought i'd be in again.

i.
lost myself in your eyes
gravitated to your unmovable strength
shook me to the very core.

i.
used to be alright and contented
with how i lived my day to day
now you made me wonder if there's more.

i.
need some time to think
be by myself and drown the noise
until i hear my heartbeat's peace.

i.
know there's no easy way
for i might end up losing you both
but i have got to do this.

i.
put this burden upon the two of you
as i hang a rope around my neck
this is suicide and birth altogether.

i.
am sorry for hurting you
as i am happy to be holding you
for i am to love one and say goodbye to another.

damn

Damn the night for taking from me
all the light i need to see
my loved one's face, my loved one's eyes
'cause in the dark, i just see lies.
Damn the day for stopping me
to travel out into my dreams
for when i sleep i hold you near,
within your arms i know no fear.

Damn the hour it seems so fast
your memories don't seem to last,
those times within your sweet embrace,
in an hour they're all erased.
Damn the time that moves so slow
the loneliness in me won't go
they claim that time would heal all wounds
i know for me this ain't no good.

Damn the lies on which i take
refuge each time i mistake
my fantasy for something true,
unreachable-- for me, that's you.
Damn the truth that blows upon
my face each time i know you're gone
i can't accept the fact that you
can't love me as much as i do.

Damn the world for leaving me
alone, forgotten, incomplete,
they never understood my love
even took from me what i can't have.
Damn my self that's all CONFUSED
what i really need i never knew,
someday somehow i'd realize
my answers lie deep inside.

i but not of myself

I exist.
Not only for myself
But for a reason
Greater than me and all the things I've held dear.
Be that reason.

That I let go of myself
But be embraced by you
That I lose my self
But be found in you
That I die to myself
But be borne of you.

Like it's the first time I opened my eyes
To the sunshine and to the rain
Both at the same time.

For this day
Above all days I've had
And all the days to come
I exist
Not only for myself
But for a reason
Greater than me and all the things I've believed in.
Be that reason.